In contrast to last month’s discussion of boundaries, we devote this issue to “saying yes.”
People say “a man’s best wealth is his health.” And while I won’t disagree, I’d also offer that our most powerful “currency” lies in our word. In other words, when we say we’ll do something, we’ve given our word – and to break that promise is to compromise our integrity. And without our integrity, not only do we teach others we can’t be trusted, we’re simultaneously teaching ourselves the very same lesson. Once we turn that corner, it’s a short leap into disillusionment about what’s possible for us and what’s not.
In the piece below, which I’ve printed in its entirety, fellow coach and current Chicago Coach Federation president Kam Gupta makes a persuasive case that the simple phrase “I promise” represents one of our most precious possessions: our word.
What Matters Most
Promises are easily made. Keeping promises often proves to be much more difficult than making them. There are many reasons people cite when they do not keep a promise. When confronted, you might hear “I forgot,” “I did not have enough time,” “I had an emergency,” “I was planning to do it,” “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to…” and many more.
Many times we make promises out of respect, sheer pressure, desire to please everyone, or to win recognition/praise. We find it easier to agree to undertake many tasks than to say “no.” Similarly, there are many other circumstances that compel us to justify things that might not be true, regardless of what we believe our values are. Such circumstances and situations affect our trustworthiness and affect our reputation and credibility.
When we consistently keep our promises, whether to ourselves or to others, we promote our self as someone who can be trusted to be truthful. Openness and sincerity are pre-requisite for all trusting and loving relationships. Our word is one of our most precious and powerful possessions.
When we promise more than what we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions under false pretenses, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who count on us by proving that their faith was wrongly placed. We also hurt ourselves in the process, when we break our promises. Being honest to our self leads us to maintain our honor and reliability and puts people at ease. Others feel comfortable in seeking out our friendship and collaborating with us on projects of greater importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If we do catch our self in a falsehood, we could ask what we wanted to hide and why we felt we couldn’t be truthful. And if life’s surprises prevent us from keeping our word; admitting “oops” humbly and making amends quickly helps.
Since the path of truth frequently represents the perception of a more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character. We can harness the power of our word when we do our best to live a life of truthfulness. That’s when we are able to understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping our agreements and sincerity, we prove that we are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into our daily existence.
Most of us genuinely want to be trusted. We can only be trusted if we are trustworthy. Keeping promises made to others and to ourselves is one way to restore our trust in us and in others. Promises test our ability to be honest and sincere. So the questions for each of us become, “How do I feel about being honest? How do I define honesty? How do I justify dishonesty or falsehood?” “How do I feel when I break a promise?” and “What is my true intention when I make a promise?” Answering these questions will expose our values to us. We can then decide if our values are those of convenience or conviction, alignment or alienation, comfort or camouflage – possibly leading to some very revealing insights that can become the best motivation to move forward.
