In this month of profound giving and celebration, I am struck by how many clients I see pushing themselves to the point of collapse, in order to make the holiday “all that it can be” for their loved ones. And while their motivations are fundamentally pure and selfless, their generosity is all too often at their own expense.

It’s not limited to the holidays either; some people make this their “default setting” year-round. Most of them don’t even know they’re doing it – if you ask them, they’ll usually say that this sense of “drive” is a “lifestyle choice.” To be frank, I see this most often in women, particularly those with people-pleasing and overachieving personalities.

The result of this overachieving, relentless “do, do, doing” is that neither the person nor their loved ones get the full benefit of these kind gestures. Eventually, the striving to achieve takes its toll on the whole family. Sadly, no one wins when this happens – least of all the person doing the “giving.”

What’s the solution? The short answer: balance. (more…)

In this month where we give thanks for what and who we have, I’m reminded how many people walk through their lives feeling underappreciated and undervalued. So much so, that it drains them of their life energy. Many wonder how they’ll find the will to make another dinner that will go unappreciated, or squeeze out yet another monthly report that will ultimately go unnoticed.

But what can we do as individuals to help “fill someone’s well” and transform their internal landscape? Plenty. And it usually boils down to a few carefully chosen words of acknowledgment.

The skill of acknowledgment isn’t terribly challenging to master. But all too often, the gesture is an afterthought and focuses on tangible accomplishments, if it’s offered at all. However, with just a little effort, anyone can become an expert in the skill of acknowledgment (more…)

Ari: “Did it work?”
Nat: “Hell, yeah.”

This is a typical exchange between me and my husband, when he decides to play handyman. Which, if something’s broken, is most of the time.

In the beginning, I didn’t realize I had married a MacGyver-type. More often than not, I’m elated that he’s handy – especially taking into consideration my lack of dexterity in that department.

But occasionally, I do wonder how a project will come out. During those times, I admit my faith falters. And sometimes I even convince myself that it would be preferable to hire it out or go purchase the solution.

Nat, on the other hand, will inevitably try to persuade me that all he needs is a “few more minutes” to make what he has on hand work. Typically, the materials involved include spackle, various and sundry screws and the ubiquitous duct tape. (more…)

I was this close to scooping her up. There she was — a sable-colored, long-haired mini-dox — staring up at me with a look that said, “Get me out of this joint.” What’s more, she was clearly accustomed to holding her own. She shared a crib with a scrappy-looking, mottled male who wouldn’t leave her alone. He kept pawing her, trying to knock her over. She never issued any preemptive strikes, but boy, could she fend him off when he came running! Her spirit exuded confidence and independence, despite her circumstance. Even though I only held her for a few minutes, I could tell: she was all-girl on the outside, but steely on the inside.

She wasn’t destined to come home with us that day. But while I held her, I named her “Clarisse,” after Rudolph’s lady friend in the holiday television special from the 60′s. Remember her? What a great role-model: smart, self-assured, chic (as indicated by her snappy bow) and SUCH a supportive friend. She really had her act together. She encouraged her guy when he was on the ropes, helping him come back with renewed vigor and confidence. Who could ask for a better partner?

• Who in your life is looking for you to step in as their “Clarisse?”
• What would that involve?

A Challenge

Choose one person in your life and show them what having “Clarisse” in their corner can do for them. Then, as you review what your “stand” did for them, ask yourself, “What did that do for me?”

I loathe exercise.

There, I said it. More precisely, I hate to sweat. I detest the feeling of perspiration running down my… back. But these days, I scurry to my workout without a twinge of dread. Often, I’m even excited to go. What’s my secret?

Well, that great post-workout ‘release’ aside, it all comes down to a change in perspective (doesn’t it always?). Yep – a new way of looking at the task at hand has actually changed how I feel about it.

Now, let me be clear: although this shift *could* work for anyone, it won’t work for everyone.

Every time I catch myself thinking “I don’t *wanna* exercise,” or “I don’t *feel* like it,” I remember all of the people in this world who would give anything to be able to jog, dance, even walk. There are millions of people who are handicapped, mentally challenged, injured, or simply getting old. And that does it for me every time now. In fact, it makes me all but bound for the door… (more…)

I can’t be sure if it’s “due to the current economic climate,” but I’m encountering more and more people who, while painfully frustrated with their current jobs, are choosing not to make a transition.

Whether your goal is to thrive, or just simply survive, this kind of situation can be really tough. But by reviewing the available options and planning your next steps, you’ll at least feel some control over the situation. Taking action can reduce stress and potentially make you feel a little better about your current circumstances.

Hope really is right around the corner. This month, we’re offering a few tips to help you make the best of the situation until you can move on to “greener pastures.” (more…)

Ice Cream. The stuff of life.

That’s my take, of course.

Some might say it’s also my downfall. But I insist that in every life “a lot of joy must be experienced;” so ice cream remains my reward, in celebration of just about any achievement (or for no reason at all). Anyone who knows me knows I’ll never turn down a trip for soft-serve. However, anyone who knows me well knows that I prefer my sweets with a little salt.

The desserts I crave most factor in both the salty AND the sweet. For example, I adore Ben & Jerry’s “Chunky Monkey,” but I prefer it atop a pretzel cone – especially the ones with salt on them. Never had it? Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. I’m telling you – these two tastes are fine by themselves, but explosively flavorful when paired. Trust me: that combo’s a little “slice…”

Sweet and salty; Kirk and Spock; Yin and Yang – ever thought about what makes these duos work so well together? (more…)