Trust the Experts

Isn’t that some successful company’s tagline? Perhaps it’s not so successful, since the product isn’t popping to mind, but I’ve been wondering lately: who are the “experts?” Do degreed professionals qualify? What about people who claim to have “vast” experience in what they do? How many of us auto-magically trust people who call themselves experts (giving them our time, money, resources, etc.), and end up complaining when they don’t meet our expectations?

If you’re like most people, you have experienced first-hand what it’s like to place your most precious assets in the hands of “experts,” just to be disappointed. You expected one thing; they delivered another. Having been there, I can relate to the experience some call “having departed from oneself.” No, I’m not talking about one of those ethereal moments of bliss. Rather, I’m referring to the moment when your body tells you that you’ve strayed from your intuition, and trouble’s about to pay you a visit.

Unless you’re between the ages of seventeen and twenty-one, you’ve likely come to the realization that you don’t know everything there is to know about life.

And that’s scary.

Until you discovered that there are specialists for everything under the sun. Whether it’s the car mechanic, your children’s pediatrician or your mother, chances are, you’ve been led to believe that someone else has all the answers. This probably came as a great relief, since it means that you can leave the decision-making to, well… someone else.

It’s usually at this moment that the Universe finds a most poignant way to throw you the mother of all curve balls. All at once, you get the opportunity to discover for yourself that the “experts” don’t know everything (even your mother). And if you bother to talk to more than one of them, you will soon find out that sometimes even the experts don’t agree!

Sadly, you learn a lesson. (more…)

“So You Wanna be in Pictures?”

Do you ever fashion yourself the ingénue of your own movie? Or perhaps find yourself wishing your life had a soundtrack? Many of us have. Surprisingly, when asked to consider the notion, most people leap at the prospect, lamenting only at its impossibility. Imagine how a particular life event could have been made more poinient with just the right song or sound effect in the background. Imagine, for example, how much more confident and attractive you would have felt had your introduction to your future partner been accompanied by a swell of your favorite romantic music. Or how a well-timed laugh track could have eased your nervous attempt at stand-up humor at that cocktail party.

Inevitably, many people yearn to “break through the fourth wall,” theatrically speaking. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it refers to how, in the theater, the audience views your life in “movie” form, and you, in the title role, are able to stop time in order to comment on the action that just took place. It’s a little bit like pressing “pause” on your DVD and turning to your companion to comment on what you think about the movie so far.

How much more amusing and less stressful would our lives be if we could “press pause” at any moment? Immediately, we could express our frustration, confusion, or elation to an interested and engaged “audience.” It would certainly lend to a decrease in feelings of isolation. Never again would we feel alone in our experience of a particular situation. Moreover, it would likely provide a boost in confidence and an indomitable sense of determination.

Furthermore, if we could freely comment on our perspectives to those “perpetually curious and interested audience members,” we would of course expect certain reactions: they would cheer the protagonist to success, and express dissatisfaction and sadness when things weren’t going well for the hero. It makes sense, after all: isn’t that what we most want – to be heard, accepted and understood for who we are? (more…)

Meaningful Voices

How many of us have had this thought: “OK. Let’s see…what’s on my list today? I’ve got an hour to tag an ATM, pick up the drycleaning, stop at Target*, drop off a package at the Post Office, eat lunch and get back to ______ (work, pick up the kids, make dinner, etc. )?”

Who hasn’t? Against all odds, we persevere. All day, everyday. And we never get it all done. Our ‘To Do’ lists are jammed with tasks yet to be completed. The remaining tasks almost seem to be glaring up at us, as if to say, “Still here. Looks like you’ll have to make room in tomorrow’s schedule. Again. Funny how other people seem to believe that you’ve got your act together…”

Inside, there’s often another voice. A kinder, gentler voice – its compassionate words come streaming out in the form of a whisper: “You do have it together. You can do anything you set your mind to. You did your best. You’ll be able to get those tasks done tomorrow for sure. Then you can breathe easier.”

Familiar? It almost doesn’t matter. The gerbil wheel that is your life usually gets exposed at this point because another voice crashes the party. You know the one – the one we’ll call “The Voice of Exasperation” (VOE). It chimes in with something like this: “WHAT AM I DOING THIS FOR?! I mean, do I get a prize for accomplishing all these ridiculous errands? Who cares if The List gets done?? The List spontaneously regenerates each and every day anyway!” And if you haven’t battened down your own personal “Life Purpose Hatches,” that voice inevitably concludes with “IS THIS ALL THERE IS?!”

Depending on your perspective, the VOE may serve as a wake-up call or another reason to get that Paxil prescription filled immediately. And depending on how uncomfortably loud or frequent the VOE sounds, you might find yourself willing to do just about anything to quiet it.

However, what if the VOE itself has a higher purpose? What if its presence is intended to remind you of your life’s purpose? Not even in a rude, condescending, “is-this-all-you’re-doing-with-your-life-no-wonder-you’ll-never-amount-to-anything” kind of way. What if you stopped to view it as your beacon, your friendly Zen chime, a reminder to consult your North Star? (more…)

Valentine’s Day seems like the perfect occasion for an “occasional newsletter.” However, rather than extolling the glories of romantic love, I find this a perfect opportunity to ponder the glories of…  service.

Contrary to what many believe, “service” need not connote subservience. In fact, it could be perceived as much the opposite: the opportunity to give of oneself, to offer love and attention in the form of action.

Make no mistake, this definition encompasses much more than the stereotypical “candy and roses.” It incorporates the entire spectrum of what can be meant by “love” – from the very personal notion of “paying it forward” to the corporate initiative of servant leadership.

Very often, we confuse “service” with “helping.” Certainly there may be a “helping” component within an act of “service,” yet it doesn’t need to imply “servitude.” The concept of “helping” all too often seems to imply motivations of charity, pity or even duress.

I’d like to offer an alternate definition of “service:” any opportunity chosen to demonstrate selfless love, regardless of scale. Understand, I am not just talking about people like organ donors, philanthropists, and hospice volunteers. While certainly noteworthy, these expressions may not be within reach for many people. So, what about the rest of us? What “service” can we offer? (more…)