They careen toward us like the river of Cocoa Puffs we combed through to be the first to grab the iron-on transfer. Ok, so maybe that wasn’t such a great prize – but the holidays are, right? Quality time spent with friends and family. A time to celebrate the glory of creation, and the gifts of life, love and spirit. A season of generosity, countenance, grace and good will. Ah, the shopping, wrapping, laughing, reminiscing, baking, trimming, caroling, and parties. Oh, the hours of cooking, cleaning, and chasing after the latest ‘must-have’ CD or toy or video game. A time to remember why you don’t talk to your sister unless you have to, to vow you’ll never throw another holiday party in your lifetime, and to come up with numerous reasons to disown your children. Such a time of crankiness, pettiness, flaring tempers and ill-humour. Ugh. Why aren’t the holidays what they used to be??

Good question – there may be as many answers as there are people. For many of us though, the issue may have to do with a persistently thorny subject: expectation.

Now, this may not be news, but our nature comes to the surface in most curious ways. Despite “knowing better,” many of us insist on clinging to “the way it used to be,” “the way it’s supposed to be,” (in myth or media), or “the way _____________ wants it to be” (fill in with the name of your child, parent, spouse, significant other or pet). But what else happens when we climb onto that hamster wheel? All too often, an annual ritual of misery, conflict, disappointment, and exhaustion.

So, why do we agree to jump aboard the “wheel” each and every year? For most, the answer is simple: we want to please others. We are well-intentioned creatures indeed. We desperately try to cram the season full of as much meaning and richness as possible – sometimes even more than it can hold. We want to resurrect every tradition in existence and make sure we enjoy every last one of them. We want it all – right down to the smile we assume while swallowing the final bite of Aunt Mimi’s Cherry Coke Fruitcake.

Solutions, you ask? (more…)

All changes are created in a moment – with a simple choice.

-R. T. Gorham

On the eve of my fortieth birthday, I have made a decision (out of momentary panic and sheer desperation) to embrace my L.A. girlfriend’s current mantra: “40 is the new 30!” And while that doesn’t eliminate the psychological sting from my odometer’s rollover, I can buy into it.

Here’s my analysis: We’re living longer these days, leaving the nest later, marrying is strictly optional, starting families is often postponed or bypassed altogether… Times they have been a-changin.’ It only makes sense that this should factor into our collective perception of age as well. While our parents’ generation might have considered four careers before 40 sheer lunacy (and financial ruin), this has become commonplace. Look around; how many 40-somethings are considering first pregnancies when there’s no husband around to donate to the cause? How many people are choosing to work into their seventies for reasons other than financial? Why? Are we witnessing the deterioration of humanity’s moral fabric or are we simply realizing the consequences of life, liberty and really good technological advances in medicine?

I, for one, plan on maximizing the gifts I have been given and the advantages I have earned – specifically, that translates into acceptance of the fact that for some, “Do you think it’s time to ditch the futon and buy real furniture?” is a perfectly appropriate question at 40, and for others, “How can I maximize my retirement investments throughout the kids’ college years?” is a more relevant query. Neither is ____________ (fill in the blank with: wrong, unnatural, abnormal, etc.). Both just are. And both are simply places in time. Places we are experiencing based upon decisions that have lead to that moment. And if we don’t like the current vista, we have the ability – nay; the responsibility – to change it.

Just like that, you say? In a blink? Well, maybe. But in the case of circumstances out of our control, we have at our fingertips the magic of perspective (more…)